Penis Candy: The Dick Joke You Can Chew
Is there a logical reason for penis candy to even exist? Even in the dick-crazy world of bachelorette parties, penis candy is an odd appendage. Do we watch shows on penis TV, brush with penis toothpaste, or drive penis cars? Only in Columbus, Ohio. So why does the bridal party need to stuff their faces with penis candy?
Some questions are impossible to answer, or the answer wouldn’t lead to greater understanding. But let’s take a shot.
The penis TV is a stupid idea: it’s the wrong shape and it isn’t appropriate for watching NCIS. But penis candy is funny. Eating penis candy is a visual metaphor for telling a dick joke, the standby routine of almost every comedian. Dick jokes are funny because talking about the penis is funny, and putting penis-shaped food in your mouth makes people think of oral sex, also funny.
Not everyone likes dick jokes but enough people do that they are often worth the risk. Dick jokes can be low-class, stupid, childish, and demonstrate a lack of refinement, yet remain hilarious. How many subjects are that resilient? Besides, dick jokes aren’t always examples of basement-dwelling humor. Try this:
My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
See, nothing gross or even sexually suggestive about that. Just a comment that penis size commands respect. Comedian Aziz Ansari even makes a valid meta-point on the subject: a stupid dick joke is also, sometimes implicitly, a joke about the stupidity of dick jokes. So you can be smart and stupid at the same time!
Here’s one of our favorite dick jokes:
A mortician was working late one night. As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Bernie had the longest penis he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It must be saved for posterity." The coroner removed the dead man's penis, placed it his briefcase and took it home to show his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase. "Oh my god!" she screamed, "Bernie Schwartz is dead!"
Penis Candy.com -- this very website you have stumbled upon -- is divided into a few logical categories that should make it easy to find what you need, as long as what you need is penis candy.
General penis candy
Penis candy wearables
Chocolate penis candy
Penis candy dishes
Where to Buy Penis Candy
Penis candy and many other bachelorette party supplies are available quickly and discreetly from Bachelorette.com. Bachelorette.com keeps your information completely confidential, and works hard to assure each customer’s complete satisfaction. Buy penis candy and other fine products from Bachelorette.com.
Here is a list of other resources you can use to plan a bachelorette party. HowToBeAMaidOfHonor.com - Teaches you things you need to know to be a maid of honor. BachelorettePartyPlaylist.com suggests some fun music for the event. PenisCandy.com is like CandyPenis.com I just switched the words around. BlackBachelorettePartySupplies.com is a great site that points out the options available for black bachelorettes. I also worked on BachelorettePartyMusic.com, DickHeadHoopla.com, CuteBacheloretteParty.com and GamesforBacheloretteParties.com. You can visit them all by clicking these links.